SO DOES THAT MEAN I’M OUT OF FRIEND JAIL?
Yeah, yeah—FOR NOW.
Painfully, obnoxiously …I swear to glob I could throttle you.
I’ve got too much going wrong already in my life. I don’t need to be throttled by my friend on top of that!
Yeah, you are a lot cooler when you’re drunk. Less neurotic too.
I’m not neu—well.
I’m not that neurotic.
Then start drinking. You beat my ass at it when you were drunk, and NO ONE beats me at that game! Friggin’ drunk savant.
Maybe I should drunk game more.
Give her Katamari Damacy.
I suck at that game, man.
I don’t wanna look bad!
You certainly seemed to forget that you weren’t a soldier anymore at the wedding reception with how many times you called me sir in the bathroom.
I cannot go back in time, I—This is where I am trying to start and you are making it difficult.
The wedding—you’re seriously gonna bring up the wedding? Do you even want to talk about how drunk we were?! I was inebriated and so were you—you have no right to bring that up!
And you know what, the thing is Ulysses I don’t even know if I can forgive you.
Because you convinced me it was okay to maybe do something with a guy and then you know what you do? You blame me for everything and let me be kicked from the only future I had. Now I work at a gas station and I can’t even date a nice girl because I think back on how you betrayed me every single time.
You think a simple apology is gonna fix everything? Well you’re wrong. You only care about yourself and I know that hasn’t changed at all.
So get the hell out of my house.
Do you have any video games? I need them.
I mean I got a few but I’m not willing to actually lend them out! Games are expensive!
You can come by and play if you wanna.
/PUNCHES SHELTON’S BUTT ANGRILY
/WE’RE BREAKING UP AS FRIENDS—YOU’RE IN FRIEND JAIL FOREVER
Wow—you—really? You’re really gonna apologize now? Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?
Like—hah, jeez—did Ramsay tell you to do this or something?
Just because you are no longer my soldier does not mean—I’m—
It happened years ago. I know that. I am trying to make up for it the only way I can—by saying that I am sorry.
Doesn’t mean what?
That I shouldn’t show you some respect, maybe call you sir a few times while I suck your dick? You sure enjoyed that, didn’t you?
You wanna make things up for me get me my position in the military back. Or better yet, give me a better job and a stable income. How about you pay my bills because I can barely do that now thanks to getting kicked out—oh wait, my mistake, asked to leave.
How about you pay for all the damage you did in my life starting now.
You’re still too vulnerable. Why can’t you see the people who really care about you. Like me. I guess what I feel for you means nothing. Do what you want. I’m not picking up the pieces.
I’m not too vulnerable—I’m fine!
What you feel—bro—I’m—I’m not asking you to pick up any pieces! I’m—UGH, nevermind!